Finding your tribe

Growing up can be tough. When we’re kids, we just find ourselves in a particular area with other kids around us, all in a similar position. We've not chosen to be there. We’ve often had no say in where we find ourselves living, have no say when it comes to household decisions, may have very limited means of getting around, and just have to do what our parents want. Obviously we have to go to school too. In fact, there’s very little that we have control over when it comes to our lives.

To get through this, we’re not always our authentic selves; we’re doing what we have to do to fit in and stay safe. That’s a perfectly normal survival strategy, particularly if you don’t fit the norm.

But this can mean we spend time with people who aren’t good for us, who aren’t really our friends. They may take advantage of us, they may talk about us behind our backs and they might say mean things to us. We may even find ourselves acting similarly to try to avoid being the one who gets picked on.

If we’re isolated, scared and feeling low we may think that’s the best we can get and just try to put up with it. We may not even realise that the situation is not right for us, and talking therapies can help us see what’s going on. It can be a very difficult, even scary, lesson to learn to walk away from that and find another way.

But boy is it worth it. When we find people with shared values, and shared interests that can be a complete game changer. Finally we’re safe. The more authentic we can be, the more we get from life and the more opportunities we have to be happy.

While this is ultimately applicable to everyone, it’s particularly appropriate in Pride month. I’ve been lucky enough to work with groups that help set up safe spaces for LGBTQ+ kids to meet other LGBTQ+ kids and see the transformative effect this has on their lives and their wellbeing.

Being free to be yourself and sharing your life authentically with others is liberating and an act of self-kindness. If you feel stuck, counselling can help you identify barriers, and take steps towards a better you.

If you’d like to work with me on your mental health, get in touch by completing the online form or emailing me directly at mckellarCBT@gmail.com