Navigating anniversaries

When we lose people, the anniversary of when they pass can be hard.

Dates can feel radioactive, and a mess of conflicting expectations. What do we do? What should we do? Is it ok to plan something? Should I be ‘over it’ by now?

We’re not only managing our own feelings but we’re juggling how we feel other people should think and there’s really no rulebook we can refer to. We're on our own.

I’m not an expert, but what I can suggest is just listen to how you’re feeling and be open to what you hear. What do you need? What's going to help you right now?

Take time off work if you need to. You don't need to act like it's just another day.

When we’re there for other people as they decline it’s often easy to put ourselves last and not look after ourselves, and beyond that we can be so busy with the business of sorting everything out, that we've almost been putting off feeling their absence. When we get to the end of that process and these dates come around, suddenly it's real and it can hit hard.

Putting it into words can help and I'm a fan of using things like journalling to help me get difficult feelings and thoughts together and out of my head. But if that feels like too much, even just the simple things can help. Moments of stillness. pottering around the garden and caring for things. Helping in little ways. One foot in front of the other.

Be kind to yourself. Be present. Keep breathing. Remember them however you need to. They’ll always be there in your heart.

If you would like to talk to me about issues with your mental health, you can complete the online submission form or contact me directly at: mckellarCBT@gmail.com