When mental illness is inconvenient

There’s been lot of discussion in the media this week around how John Davidson, someone who has the form of Tourette Syndrome (TS) with involuntary verbal tics was heard to use offensive language towards two actors of colour at the BAFTA awards. There have been plenty of hot takes and opinion on how things should have been handled and what is more upsetting; the monstering of someone with a disability when steps were taken at the event to inform the audience and minimise disruption or the objectively hurtful language that was directed against two people of colour.

That’s not really what I’m going to talk about today. (The BBC has serious questions to answer about how they’ve handled things and how they supported or more accurately did not support Davidson and the actors).

But the situation got me thinking about how society views mental illness and what’s viewed as acceptable and not acceptable presentations of mental illness, particularly when we want to be supportive. (With the obvious caveat that TS is a disability and a neurological disorder sometimes with co-occurring mental health conditions This week’s situation was just the spark that led to this train of thought….).

If we think of depression, how  it might be typically presented in the media is, broadly, someone with low mood. Someone who is essentially able to get on and do everything that’s expected of them, but they might feel a bit low. The reality can be a lot more challenging for the individual and for the people around them. It might mean saying rotten things about themselves or about other people in ways that embarrass or hurt them. It might mean struggling to do the most basic things around the house, not being able to do a fair share of making dinner, cleaning, or caring for the kids or pets. It can also mean not being able to look after themselves when it comes to keeping on top of rubbish or basic showers and hygiene.

Anxiety per the media might be someone who is easily startled but otherwise again able to get on with everything that’s expected of them. The reality might be that the person can’t leave the house at all, might be unable to make a decision, might endlessly ruminate about conversations and need a huge amount of reassurance and support from friends and partners.

All of these things can impact the people around them, and, yes, be inconvenient and difficult. Sometimes supporting people can take a toll. Being there for someone and really supporting them is about accepting that it’s not just a case of saying we’re there for them providing it’s no hassle at all. Fair weather friends aren’t really friends. We have to walk the walk and recognise that some of that might be hard work.

The mental health charity Mind has some excellent suggestions for how we can support friends and family who are struggling with mental illness and also take care of ourselves. You can read more about that here: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helping-someone-else/

While it’s likely that the media won’t be tripping over themselves to change how they present mental illness, we can each ask ourselves what more we can do to challenge our preconceptions about mental illnesses and what more we can do to be there for the people in our lives who need support.

If you’d like to work with me on your mental health, you can get in touch with me via the website or drop me a message directly at mckellarcbt@gmail.com