Looking after yourself as a parent

Whether you’re raising a child or multiple children with a partner or on your own, children are hard work.  As Edwina Monsoon from the BBC’s Absolutely Fabulous once lamented: “They make you think about someone else the whole time!” These days it’s rare for someone to be able to be a stay-at-home parent, so we have to fit that and all the associated responsibilities around the need to earn a living. On top of that there’s societies expectations about how we should behave as parents.

Everyone and their grandmother has an opinion about what you should be doing and invariably what you’re doing isn’t good enough. So it’s understandable that our mental health can suffer.

How can we do everything we’re meant to do and take care of our mental health?

Starting with the basics, are you looking after your energy levels? Are you spreading yourself too thinly? If we’re running from pillar to post the last thing on our mind is letting ourselves rest. If the kids are keeping us up at night and disrupting our sleep, are we making up for that somehow or just trying to power on? That can be an easy way of burning out.

Are you making time for exercise, and eating ok? That’s not to have a go at ourselves if we’ve not been able to do it, but more of a case of recognising what we need to do as a kind of basic maintenance to keep ourselves going.

I’d include within that making sure that we’re scheduling in a bit to time for ourselves for something we enjoy; whether that’s some time with a book, a favourite programme. Whatever we need to help us catch our breath and recharge.

Are we reaching out to our support network if we need them? Speaking as an uncle myself, I love to spend time with the kids and give my sister a break. Are there family members who could help or that we can involve in ways that take some of the pressure off you, and, as a bonus, make some good family memories!

When it comes to managing challenging behaviours or juggling other issues as a parent, there are some fantastic resources out there too to help. The excellent Family Lives is full of lived experience we can draw from and additional support where it’s needed.

One of the most important steps is actually valuing our own experience and our own health. Are we willing to ask ourselves that? Are we willing to value our own needs too?

If you’d like to work with me on your mental health, you can get in touch with me via the website or drop me a message directly at mckellarcbt@gmail.com