Rumination, or "And another thing!"

We’ve all done it. We’re in the car or on the bus and we’re thinking about something that’s happened at work, over and over and over. We’re picking apart the conversation and coming up with things we think we should have said instead of that. We spend the journey in a heightened sense of anxiety, like we’re still having the argument, and we get home exhausted and even more upset.

You can see quite easily that ruminating can be unhelpful and make us feel worse.

I’m going to take this a step further and say that ruminating is useless and when we recognise that we’re doing it, it’s time to do something else. This is something I emphasise with clients working with depression and anxiety and it can be a real game-changer.

What ultimately are we trying to do when we ruminate? I’m going to focus on an example of picking over an argument. In the argument we’re in Fight (back to Fight/Flight) and responding to a Threat. Post argument we’re picking it over because we’re reacting to the danger and coming up with better responses to it should it happen again. We play it over and over and over until we can deflect any and all possible threats, like Wonder Woman in a blur stopping bullet after bullet with her magical bracelets.

The problem with this is that we’re ultimately coming up with a script and in the real world we’re the only person who has access to that script. Not only are you memorising lines, but the second that the other person says something or does something that isn’t in the script, you’re back in Threat again.

If we find ourself ruminating, I encourage clients to ask themselves some questions and I’ve include a few examples here:

How does rumination make sense to you?
What are the advantages and disadvantages of doing it?
Are you looking for The Answer? (IS there an answer?)
Are there real problems you could solve?
What are you missing in life when you ruminate?

Often, asking ourselves why we’re doing it can nip the situation in the bud and we can shift our attention and out of Threat.

Through working with a counsellor, the ideal position is that we kick rumination to the kerb, learn to tolerate uncertainty and learn more effective problem solving skills. (See The Worry Tree).

So the next time you find yourself ruminating in the car on the way home, why not ask yourself some of these questions and see what impact it has?

If you would like to talk to me about working on your mental health, you can complete the online submission form or contact me directly at: mckellarCBT@gmail.com