Self-care and what it isn't (or doesn't have to be).

“Self-care” is becoming quite commonplace in the media and we often see lots of articles now talking about the importance of taking a break, "recharging" or treating ourselves.

This last part especially can mean expensive massages, ‘relaxation candles’, new technology, new clothes/shoes and, generally speaking, new things to spend money on.

It may surprise you to hear it, but the people writing those articles may have a vested interest in selling you those very things and “wellness” is big money.

Instead what I’d like to suggest is that self-care doesn’t need to mean spending any money at all. Ultimately it’s about connecting with things that restore you, that fill up your own personal gas tank, and that can be different depending on the individual. 

Typically we can all benefit from a good nights sleep, solid meals, a bit of physical activity and maintaining healthy boundaries, but as for what really restores us, that depends on who we are.

For some of us that might mean catching up with friends, for others being able to spend time reading a good book, watching a new horror movie, or playing a video game. We might enjoy quality time with our children, or quality time away from our children. These are all valid options.

When working with depression in counselling, we would ask a client to complete an activity schedule which, hour to hour, would cover what they were doing during a week. Each of these activities they would score out of 10 (for Sense of Achievement, Sense of Connection, and Enjoyment) and note and score their mood at the time (e.g. sad 60%). What we gain from this exercise is two-fold. First of all the client sees how their mood varies across the course of a day depending on what they are doing. They can also see how much they value what it is they’re doing. 

Typically we would see that someone is spending most of their time doing things that drain them and very little that they find restorative. What we would work on is having more of a balance and planning in doing more of the things that they score highly and restore them.

Instead of jumping straight into an activity schedule (although here’s one here if you’d like a go: https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/ActivityDiary.pdf) is have a think about what restores you personally. Is it something like an expensive massage or a yoga class, or is having a coffee with a loved one or an hour with a good book what works for you? How could you make that more of a regular thing?

If you would like to talk to me about problems with low mood or other issues with your mental health, you can complete the online submission form or contact me directly at: mckellarCBT@gmail.com

(Image of '7 of 9' from 'Star Trek: Voyager' is copyrighted, but used here under fair use guidelines. Owner/Creator: Paramount Global).