Self-editing and authenticity

Compromising keeps the peace. We learn that early in life, particularly if we have siblings. As adults, we make adjustments in quite a lot of different areas of our lives; in who we are at work, in who we are with our parents and family members, and who we are with different groups of groups.

Sometimes it’s just easier to go with the flow and do what makes other people happy than stand up and say that something isn’t for us, perhaps making other people uncomfortable or adjust their plans or expectations.

It’s not hard to see where this can become something that’s a habit and maybe a reflexive response. Where this can be something that is perhaps taken advantage of by others and puts us in a bad position, perhaps even in danger.

Sometimes with all this self-editing we can lose ourselves entirely

. If we’re always changing who we are or who we seem to be, what we like, what we dislike and being flexible about what’s important to us… when are we really ourselves? Are we allowing space for ourselves in our own lives? Are we forgetting who we are?That’s something I want to encourage you to think about today.

• Am I clear about my own likes and dislikes?

• Do I know what’s important to me?

• What do I like to do? How often do I actually let myself do that?

• Can you write a paragraph about yourself in the same way that you could that you might easily describe a favourite resident of Albert Square or even a D&D character?

If the answer is in the negative or we find ourselves struggling to answer, why is that? What might that be telling us about how we value ourselves?

Keeping the people around us happy and content is part of being human and living in a functioning compassionate society, but we have to make space for ourselves too in our own lives. Counselling can be an important part of giving us space to explore who we are and connecting us with what’s important to us.

If you’d like to work with me on your mental health, you can get in touch with me via the website or directly at mckellar.scott@gmail.com