Starting a conversation about mental health

Recently I took part in a new podcast focusing on health for older gay and bisexual men* and I’ve been reflecting on how we talk about mental health, or maybe more accurately how we can start conversations about mental health.

In some areas it can feel like we’re making a lot of progress, but according to the Mental Health charity, Mind, there has been a gradual annual decline in mental health since 2016 - 17 and stigma and discrimination around mental health is increasing.

Some of the reasons behind this are pretty obvious. That global plague we lived through; the cost of living vastly outpacing salary increases; and a mostly right-wing media stirring up division and hatred which impacts the most vulnerable members of our communities. (Compare how the media reports violence from an asylum seeker vs a white British racist: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/crmpejxlm7do).

We want to be better than this, right? So what can we do if we see a friend struggling with their mental health? How might we speak to them about it? I’ve included some tips below:

1. Choose the right time and place. Be mindful of how the person might feel about it.

2. Be human - platitudes are just empty words, like Orwell’s “duckspeak”. Be a real person. You’ll be fine.

3. Be present  - Really listen to someone and be there with them. Put the phone away.

4. Be non judgemental. Don’t add to any embarassent or discomfort. Related to this, resist the urge to be defensive. How they’re feeling isn’t a reflection on yourself.

5. Give someone space. Let the room breathe. Silence is ok. Emotions are ok. You’re not putting a fire out.

6. Don’t jump in with solutions. When we do that, we’re often dismissing how someone is feeling and not really listening.

7. Signposting is good. You don’t have to be an expert yourself. You can help someone explore support that’s out there.

Bonus starting points

• Mind: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helping-someone-else/

• CALM “conversation coach”: https://www.thecalmzone.net/get-support/conversation-coach

Making a difference all starts with that first step; a simple conversation.

If you’d like to work with me on your mental health, you can get in touch with me via the website or directly at mckellar.scott@gmail.com

*The fabulous Dr DILF Podcast, which you can find over here (https://www.doctordilf.co.uk) and the episode on mental health here (https://www.doctordilf.co.uk/episodes/doctor-dilf-12-mental-health)